If you want to create success you have to know failure. You can hang your hat on these words. They are tested by a pro. Me. It’s easy to forget in these times when we seem to see so many overnight successes that there is no such thing as an instant success. In the digital age people who were unknowns become big with their names flashing from the internet louder than neon lights seemingly out of no where.Instant success? No.Try Hard work, trial and error, and modification behind everything.
Many coaching clients come to me defeated and defined by their failures. Carefully, like a seamstress sewing together a beloved rag doll, I carefully stitch them back up again.
We need to reframe failure.
Failure is nothing more than learning; its feedback the Universe is giving you about what is NOT working as you go forward on the road to success. Too many people pitch a tent and camp out in failure way longer than necessary. When it’s time to continue, beaten down and in a less than resourceful state of mind their journey is easily derailed.
Maybe it’s the economy, but lately I’ve encountered more than my share of defeated people. They tend to be tire-kickers, calling for a coaching strategy session, but not wanting to commit to the work change suggests. They want easy and instant. The very thing that brings them in the door is what is keeping them down – their mindset.
I agree, it isn’t fun to be one of 102 people who met the application qualifications for a position, only to be turned down for the interview, again. I understand you didn’t decide to open your business because you had visions of struggle. It’s a bummer when one door after another seems to close.
Successful people view a NO as “next opportunity”. Have the faith that this is not the opportunity that would have brought you success. Is this Pollyannaish?
No. Don’t let your failures define you.
As I watched my granddaughter learn to walk I recognized somewhere between kindergarten and graduation we teach people to believe what happens to them is a direct measure of their competence and worth. I watched as she stepped forward, tired and feel. Undaunted, she stood back up again and the chubby little foot thrust forward again for a few steps, followed by another fall. At 16 months she didn’t have the capacity to think of falling as failure. She knew one thing. She had her eyes on the dog, the doll, or the toy that was in front of her and she was going to have it, no matter how many times it moved, or she fell in the process. If she got tired, she resorted to crawling and kept going forward after her desired object. She didn’t give up and sit there, calling herself a loser. She used the resources with which she was familiar, in this case, her hands and knees, and scooted toward her treasured object.
The ability to persevere, to keep your eyes on the prize, perhaps even stretching beyond your comfort zone in the face of a perceived challenge is the hallmark of those who succeed verses those who fall short of success. People who are successful at anything have refined their ability to convert life’s setbacks into stepping stones to future success.
Somewhere along the way many people lose the success mindset that is seemingly inherent in infants. That big fat “F” boldly centered in red ink on our paper means “feedback needed” not failure. We’ve done our kids a disservice in allowing “F’s”. If there was a no “F” policy, that you had to work until you brought it up, we would be giving students a different message about failure. If you get an “F” it is feedback you don’t own the knowledge yet, so you need to try again.
The way we handle it now, failure has been distorted from an action (Oops- that didn’t work; that’s not it.) to an identity (I am a failure; I am a loser.) Of course, with this mindset you are going to attract and or create more experiences to prove you are right. Defeat builds upon defeat until the defeated are too exhausted to try.
Don’t let your failures define you. Allow them in. Befriend them, learn from them. There are many paths to success and you have eliminated one that didn’t work for you.
Tags: failure, Mindset, mindset coach learning from failure, success
